Shhh! Don’t tell my children but I love TikTok. I’m 30 or 40 years past the target audience, but once I downloaded the app earlier this year, I was hooked.

No, I don’t post dances from my kitchen. I lurk. I’m there for the babies getting doused with water, the stranger-prank videos, and yeah Charli D’Amelio is way talented.

TikTok is the most addictive social media I’ve used, and I totally get why it’s the fastest growing app ever. Humans are desperate for variety, and TikTok meets that need so compellingly. Here, watch 45 seconds of overflowing Mentos in soda. Done with that? Good, now swipe up for 30 seconds of Bruce Willis doing the mirror cleaning gag. Next up, your daily dose of kitten!

With more than 800 million other TikTok users out there, I can’t be the only enthralled geezer. But I may have to delete the app soon. It’s really hard for me to pay attention to my Murder, She Wrote and Columbo shows when these people keep doing such outrageous face dances on my phone. Either that or throw out my TV.