Today I want to talk about HSPs. No, that’s not an HVAC-related tubing product. HSP stands for highly sensitive person, and I am one. Maybe you are too.

Here’s a definition I like that I found online:

A highly sensitive person experiences the world differently than others. Due to a biological difference that they’re born with, highly sensitive people are more aware of subtleties and process information deeply. This means they tend to be creative, insightful, and empathetic, but it also means they’re more prone than others to stress and overwhelm.

(Source)

And here’s a little online test you can take to see if you show signs of being an HSP. It's from Elaine Aron, the author of the definitive book on the subject, The Highly Sensitive Person.

When I read that book last year, I finally began to understand that I’m not simply an annoying pain in the ass. There’s a neurological explanation for the demands I make on people.

I’m particularly sensitive to sounds, such as overhearing other people talking, chewing, or making other random aural stimuli. When that stimulus reaches my ears, it fractures my attention, which is already fragile because of my ADHD. I get grouchy when my focus falters, and then impatient with myself for not being able to tune something out, and then I may lash out at the perpetrator of the sound. It ain’t fun, for anyone.

I also notice all kinds of small details, and they occupy a disproportional amount of my attention. Is that picture on the wall slightly crooked? Is the minute hand on that clock off by one?

I suppose my attention to detail is what makes me such a good editor and proofreader, and coder. It doesn’t feel like it takes any effort for me to focus on the small things. They jump out at me. But I do have to spend mental energy tuning out details that are unimportant. I won’t be able to get this web page done if I don’t stop obsessing over the one-pixel alignment of the hero image and the sidebar.

I also try to control everything. Because I’m always on guard against being overstimulated by the world around me, I try (and usually fail) to manage who does what nearby, and predict the outcomes of my actions to avoid surprises. This makes it particularly challenging for me to go to parties or other social gatherings, where spontaneity is key. I want things to slow down, but interactions seem to speed past me, before I can catch up. This also explains why I prefer texting or emailing rather than talking on the phone. Like a blue whale feeding, my brain is scooping up huge mouthfuls of krill stimuli and filtering out the nutritious bits, but all that work takes time.

I try not to make excuses to other people for my HSP tendencies. I still need to be kind, and considerate, no matter what my internal state. But what this newfound understanding of my neurological tendencies has done for me is to allow myself to be who I am, without harsh judgement or unrealistic expectations that I can somehow be less exhausting. I was born this way, and it ain’t changing.

Can you turn off that light now?